The Language of Heughanology

COPH:      The COHP (Chief and Only High Priestess) is the final arbiter of all that is Heughan because she is the Creator of the Church of Heughanology.   Any income or benefits granted to the Church of Heughanology are directly retained by the COHP (which there is no income and few benefits, i.e. a back stage press pass to Comic Con.)  The COHP will be entitled to an annual trip to the Mother Ship of Planet Hueghan (currently in negotiation) because it sounds like a great perk.

 

Droolrash:   A medical condition, non-scientifically proven by @KatStan4444, resulting from the saliva that comes out of your mouth during kegeltingles and eyegasms.  Often an itchy rash develops in any area the drool touches.    Antibiotic ointment can be effective.

Exploding Ovaries:   Explosions occur when eyegasms, drool rash and kegeltingles happen simultaneously.  Heughanologists have ovaries that restore themselves after every explosion.

Eyegasm:  This is when one or both of a follower’s eyes explode from looking at Sam’s gloriousness in pictures, video and GIFs.

Fanmily:  A phenomena where Heughanologists begin to treat each other like family rather than fellow fans.  A great deal of animosity can be garnered, especially from our real families.  Go figure.

 

Ghetto Dance:  Specific dance Sam did in the movie, “A Princess for Christmas” where he demonstrated his hip shaking, ghetto gang signs, and his great sense of rhythm.   Needs to be careful of wearing appropriately neutral gang colors when he is in neighborhoods in Los Angeles.

Hand Sex:   The many scenes of Sam and Caitriona holding hands in Outlander.  Often there is back/ forth or in / out movement involved.  Censors are suggesting they put a cover over their hands or wear gloves because it is too suggestive.  Starz has dug in their collective heels and refuse to acquiesce to censors (After all it isn’t on the level of Spartacus because no one except Geordie has come close to losing his family jewels).

Horse Porn:  Sam loves horses and is often seen riding or standing by them.  Some horses even have their tongues hanging out (just like us).  The difference is that he doesn’t ride us.  It can also apply to the favorite sexual position used by Jamie a character Sam plays in Outlander.  We were unable to ascertain if this is Sam’s favorite position in real life as of this writing.

 

Kegeltingles:  This word was developed by a follower @beulahcrusoe, who also acts as our Kegeltingles expert.    Kegeltingles (KT for short)  are the feelings women have deep inside their vaginal walls when looking at Sam naked, humping, smoldering, and spanking (sometimes all at the same time) his partner.    It is what author, Diana Gabaldon, described as a visceral feeling that she had when she first saw Sam’s ”fine ass”. (Gabaldon, 2013)   Coincidentally, there is a direct correlation between KT and improving symptoms of female incontinency, so we consider it a wellness approach.

For practical demonstration of kegeltingles – watch above

Kilt Etiquette:  Related to both Knee and Thigh porn in that we hope Sam never learns Kilt Etiquette.  Spread the word.

The Kilt Drops Here

 

Knee Porn:  A phenomenon directed at Sam when he wears a kilt.  This our right to look at as many pictures of his knees as we can find.  Often comments and arrows are liberally attached.

 

        

Mature Risqué:  A warning classification coined by @BoolaBeullah that falls anywhere in between mature audience and XXX.   It is a term reserved for memes and/or comments that some might find offensive or wish they had said/made them and are acting offended.  Fair Warning!

   

Permaswoon: Condition coined by @HCKYGRL72 after she met Sam Heughan in person.   He called her “Sweetie”.  Symptoms include sweating, dizziness, tingly fingers (from trying not to touch him), and a dazed appearance.  Incurable as the “perma” implies.  She can hardly drive to work.  She is applying for disability through an authorized Permaswoon Attorney.

Note the woman behind Sam. She is in the early stages of permaswoon. TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM BIG NANDSOME MAN, SWEETIE!

Samfriggintabulous:  A descriptor from @susangaj that is used when something Heughan is beyond fabulous.  Even though we are tempted to describe everything about him like this,use this word sparingly.  Otherwise, it will have no import.

Scottish Fro:   A phenomena that appears right after Sam has a fresh perm or a new hairdresser and is an aberration in his otherwise perfect coiffure.  Resembles the Afro, but the hair is red.  Can resemble Richard Simmons hairdo in “Sweating to the Oldies.”   (HIGHLIGHTS AND LOWLIGHTS OF JAMIE FRASER’S HAIR)

 

 

Smolder:  This word is often used to describe when Sam focuses his attention on someone.  It feels as if, he has flames coming out of his eyes and they are burning into your very soul.  Can cause eyegasms, drool rash and kegeltingles, although not always together as in exploding ovaries.

Splittage:  (coined by @BevH111)  A mathematical formula to calculate the size of each fan’s ownership portion of Sam’s body.  As the fandom increases, the size of your Sam piece, decreases.  R (more fans)= O
(smaller bits of Sam)

Before he invented the bagel, Einstein developed the Sam Fandom Proportional Segmentation formula.

Tease Expertise: The art of revealing almost all of an area on Sam’s body, without actually showing much of anything.  This can be very difficult during high winds and rainstorms.  Starz is particularly talented in Tease Expertise.

Thigh Porn:  Similar to Knee Porn, but higher up on the leg.  The goal is to see the family jewels.  Sam can be walking, sitting or jumping off his horse when this occurs.

 

Twitter Incontinency:    A condition that results from Heughanologists receiving highly shocking or extremely witty tweets which can result in peeing in your pants.  The length of time you have been sitting at the computer, the amount of fluids consumed, and the condition of your kegels can affect the amount and frequency of incidents.   Although it is a personal preference, use of adult incontinency briefs while tweeting about Sam is recommended. @ladybay8 has given an unsolicited testimonial:   “I never had incontinence until I started Twitter. 

 

Twitter Tree: Used only in emergency circumstances.  Twitter Tree designees are assigned specific branches of the Heughanology family to contact in order to disseminate important information such as family jewel sightings, especially gratuitous tongue kissing and/or explicit sexual content warnings on certain Outlander episodes or other works in which Sam is involved.   Monthly T.T. drills are run to prevent panic.