Outlander Not Your Usual Emmys for Everything Part DEUX

 

CoH received so many comments and suggestions for the Outlander Not Your Usual Emmys for Everything , I determined a sequel was needed.  Sit back and relax, I don’t want to have to do Part 3.  Feel free to take a break while reading. 

Will this Emmy list ever end.  Where is Kristin Dos Santos when I need her?

Emmy for a Dead Weight LIft With a Split Postion goes to Sam and Cait (Dishonorably submitted by BoolaBeulah.)  There was a difficulty level of 5.  Their coupling scored a 10.

Cait, did you put on some weight? No, Sam, are you spending too much time in the make up chair? Kiss me you fool!

Emmy for Quick Time Spiral Spin goes to Sam (dishonorably submitted by Adso the Cheetie). Difficulty factor of 8.  He scored a 9 because he slipped out a little during the turn.  Claire was not affected since she just had to hang on and got the benefit of the pelvic thrust upon landing.

Great landing Sam! Right on target! You made it look easy!

Emmy for Best Sibling Fight goes to Laura and Sam.(Dishonorably submitted by Sharon Kay)  The ballocks threat was the deciding factor for this award.  Judges did take a point off because she didn’t actually follow through on the threat.

My wife loves my ballocks, so ye’ll not be bruising the merchandise!

Emmy for Best Time Travel Cover Up goes to Claire (Dishonorably submitted by Sharon Kay).  When Mrs. Fitz asks Claire about her strange modern bra, Claire says “It’s French” which seems to explain everything!  I wonder if that could work today.  Me Oui!  I believe it could!

Emmy for Best Performance as a Cute Party Girl goes to Mrs. Fitz. It is clear that the old girl had some fun in her day from the s–t comment to Murtaugh, the obvious dig toward the competition (Herself) at the Gathering, and the way she loves to partay!  You go girl!

You smell like s–t, Murtaugh, but I would still like a roll in the hay after ye finish breakfast!

LET’S BOOGIE!

Emmy for Best Cold Water Scene goes to the OL Writers (last one was for costuming) (dishonorably submitted by BevH111).  Not only was it titillating (but never gratuitous),  his c–k didn’t break off!   

I’m happy to say, my cock didn’t break off!  (I held on for dear life!)

Emmy for Best Laughing Scene(dishonorably submitted by BevH11) goes to Laura , who if BJR’s ego had not already been “deflated”, her laugh would have done so. 

I’m not laughing at you Captain Randall…oh wait, I am.

Emmy for Best Line for a Short Scottish Man goes to the OL writers.(Dishonorably submitted by Sharon Kay) Angus says, “Does anything catch your eye, lass?” as he stands over Claire to show what’s under his kilt. 

Emmy for Best Repelling Down a Wall in a Kilt goes to Sam (dishonorably submitted by katruaidh)   No rope burns or xxx exposure resulted. 

Oooh-Oooh-Oooh-Oooh- Crack!
Why didna I wear my breeks?

Emmy for Best Dynamic Duo Since Batman and Robin goes to Rupert and Angus..(Dishonorably submitted by Sharon Kay)

I want to be Batman this time, Rupert!

Emmy for Cockiest Walk goes to Jamie.  We were all wondering if the modesty pouch would fall off as he went down the stairs.

I’m too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my boots, I’m too sexy!

Emmy for Best Delivery of an Euphemism for Swiving goes to Dougal (dishonorably submitted by BevH111)  “The thought of grinding your corn tickles me!”

Emmy for The Wedding Planners of Outlander goes to Jamie, Dougal, Angus Rupert, Ned and Willie. (Dishonorably submitted by Sharon K) Not only did they get a priest, a church, a dress, a ring, a kilt, a wedding feast and a honeymoon suite, they did it in a day! 

 

Emmy for Most Sensitive Deflowering Ever goes to Claire.  She didn’t make him feel bad cause the first time was “Gone in 60 Seconds”.  She didn’t gripe because he left his shirt and boots on.  She didn’t laugh when he offered to help with her “laces and such” even though she’d been dressing and undressing herself for some time. (Where was he when she had to undo all those buttons on the wedding gown like in the book?) She did laugh that he thought you did it from behind like horses, which was strange since you can do it that way.  Anyway, she was very sweet to him.

Another snappy pick up line!

The pearls are very precious to me. As are you, Claire!

Now a very personal award to the reason we have a Church of Heughanology where Heughanologists can be free to express their adoration of all that is Sam Heughan.  Seriously, Sam deserves an Emmy just for coping humorously, gracefully and humbly with a brutal, invasive, silly, adoring, crazy, complicated fandom (especially like me who makes a snarky blog around his looks, life and activities which is not based in fact, only in my insanely insulting mind).  Fondly, Norma D

We are so lucky to be fans of a true gentleman.

Outlander Not Your Usual Emmys for Everything

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Last evening, some TW friends were asking me to do another posting.  I said, “I need inspiration!” and promptly came up with creating new categories for EmmysforOutlander!   I will give credit for the idea to whomever came up with it, but I am writing this all alone!

Sign an autographed picture, write the blog, sign a picture, write the blog. Hand cramps are coming and I’m all alone!

I have been reviewing many of the memorable scenes in Season One, (because that is all I have to look at right now, thank you very much, Starz)!   Nevertheless, besides the more obvious nominations (Sam, Cait, Tobias, Ron D. Moore, Writers, Directors, Costume Design, Music, Sets, Cinemetography, etc.)  There are a few notable things that the Emmys often overlook.

 

Emmy for Coolest Car Ever goes to Fraaaank Randall.

This car is obviously a chick magnet and the ONLY reason I would hesitate to pick Jamie over Fraaaaank.   Obviously, Claire was young and gullible when she fell for Frank.  Perhaps even a little shallow….

You know, Fraaaank, the only reason I agreed to come with you on this boring history trip, was your car.

I don’t know where Claire is, but thank God she left the car and the keys! I couldn’t live without them!

Emmy for Best Jamie Dismount (from a horse) Without Exposing His “Wowwhatawillie”  goes to Sam Heughan. (Mentioned dishonorably by @BevH111)

Good One…Optimum thigh without XXX rating.

Emmy for The Most Ridiculous Question and Answer Ever  goes to Herself and the OL Writers.  When Jamie says to Claire, “I could throw you over my shoulder.  Now, you don’t want me to do that, do ya?”

Did he just say he’d throw me over his shoulder? Oh my…..

And she says. “No!”    How many of us said….

Emmy for Scrawniest Cat goes to the Cat eating wedding feast leftovers on the table. (Mentioned dishonorably by @BevH111)

I was unable to find a picture of the cat. I think he choked on a fish bone.  Accepting posthumously for Scrawny Cat is his best friend who ate all the food before Scrawny could get anything but bones. 

My last words to Scrawny Cat were. “It’s too bad I never learned the Heimlich Maneuver.”

The Emmy for Most Unusual Legs was shared by Colum MacKenzie closely followed by Peg Leg Ian.

Ye do the Hokey-Pokey and ye turn yourself around. That’s what it’s all about! Everybody dance!

 

Did anyone find it strange that the British took Ian’s wooden leg and made him hop home? But they arrested Jamie and Colin?

Emmy for the Most Goosebumps on a Pair of Bewbs goes to Leghair.

Later in the book, Jamie talks about getting a cockstand every time he passes a poultry shop. Could this be the cause?

Emmy for Most Sexual Activity on One TV Show Without Being Gratuitous goes to Ron D. Moore. (If he says it isn’t gratuitous, then it isn’t.)

” I must remember to mention that we are not being gratuitous every time someone asks about all of the OL sex and assaults. I don’t want to be cheesy!”

 

Emmy for the Best Rescue of a Hero goes to the Heiland Coos. (Mentioned dishonorably by @BevH111)

“Done in by Cows? And I was worried that hanging Jamie was an ignoble death! I think I’m covered in cow poo.”

Emmy for the Best Bathing Suit Design goes to Mill Pond Jamie.

They almost made me wear the Grandpa pants like in the book, but I convinced Ron that this wasn’t gratuitous.

Emmy for the Most Bodice Ripping That Wasn’t Gratuitous goes to Claire Fraser and Jenny Fraser

Emmy for Best Dancing Under Duress goes to Murtaugh. (Mentioned dishonorably by @BevH111)

I won’t dance for any amount of money! All right, I’ll take half of that apple.

I know I ate the apple, but do I really have to?

Emmy for the Show Most in Need of Sub-Titles goes to Outlander

You don’t want to look like a multed cunnel aka melted candle at your wedding?

Emmy for the Best Standing Stones goe to the Craig na Dune Standing Stones

Do we look fake?  Is this our good side? Ron said to just stand very still and buzz. So we are.

While I am sure Outlander will garner many awards for the key performances, I wanted to recognize “the little people” on behalf of Sam.

12 Steps to Outlander Addiction

In a recent Twitter convo, several people were expressing their concern that Outlander had become an addiction.   I decided to explore just how that happens, so I can encourage others to become addicted.  Then I can start the Outlander Addiction Anonymous and meet weekly for support.  This is a tactic aimed at surviving “Droughtlander, Part Deux”. 

If you review the Church of Heughanology by-laws, the behaviors and terms described apply (even though they describe activities related to the adoration of Sam Heughan).  He has become a huge piece of the addiction problem.  In addition, here are some other symptoms:

1) This is an @BoolaBeulah symptom, but all of us have done this in one form or another.  She has tabbed all of her copies of the series books so she can find favorite passages and parts of the story. (Hot pink tabs are for the hot sex scene.)  In addition she has added appropriate pictures from the first season of Starz’ Outlander to the tabbed sections. And she has set up an Outlander Shrine in her home.

2.  All of the women followers (and some men, I’m sure) want to be like Claire.  So they have started saying “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ”  in public places in front of people who might get shocked by it ( priest, minister, the church ladies, Republicans, Girl Scouts, you get my drift).  They also say words & phrases like “Bloody”  “I’ll throttle you!” or  “You’re a fooking sadistic monster!” to their masseuse.     All of them have a sgian-dubhs attached somewhere, and have taken to wearing a bum-roll and a corset. 

 

3. All of the men followers (and some women, I’m sure) want to be like Jamie.   They are wearing their hair longer and getting it dyed red.  They say things like “Mary, St. Michael and Bride!” and “Crack!” in lieu of swearing and are taking their shirts off as often as possible.  Going commando has become de rigueur whether wearing a kilt or not.  Some are even trying to wear a dirk and a broadsword to work. Their parting words before they leave for work are, “Je Suis Prete!”

4.  The internet is reporting high levels of Outlander related searches, from all over the world, and beyond. Addicts spend inordinate amounts of time on the internet.  Recently however searches are predominantly Starz, related i.e.  Mill Pond Jamie, BJR and his Dangling Participle, Claire & Jamie on the rug in the Reckoning, and even Gellis Duncan doing the midsummer nights’ bump and grind to eliminate her husband and Moira Duncan.  No one wants to see Leg Hair’s bewbs. 

Search: Any and all nude or semi-nude pictures from Starz’ Outlander of Jamie, Claire, BJR, Gellis, and Dougal.    Do not include LEGHAIR or Angus!

 

So if you are exhibiting any of these symptoms, you are well on your way to perma-addiction to Outlander! Since we don’t think addiction to Outlander is a bad thing, we offer some tips to sustain it. 

12 steps to insure your addiction

1.  Begin at the beginning.  Read all 8 books in the Outlander Series by Diana Gabaldon.  Then re-read them and re-read them and re-read them. Then read the Lord John Grey Series, Outlandish Companion, and the other novellas Diana has written surrounding the series. Amazon will adore you!

2.  Join an on-line group that discusses the Outlander Series Books at least once a day.  They can be found on Twitter, Tumbler, Facebook, et all. Additional podcasts and live tweets can enhance your knowledge. This will insure that Outlander will never be far from your mind!

3.  Start using all of the key phrases in your day to day life, such as “Thank you, truly” or “Cockstand” or ” I shall serve ye well” or “Aye” or “I ken” or “Tulach Ard!” People will look at you funny, but it will just be an opportunity to talk to them about Outlander. If they never heard of it, you can tell them about Outlander for as long as they’ll let you.  If they are already familiar, you have a new friend you can talk with!  Win-Win

I told her I couldn’t read, so I don’t know about Outlander. She went on and on and on.

4.  Get the Videos for Season One of the Starz’ Outlander series or watch on Amazon. Watch often, memorize parts and add new lines to your Outlander vocabulary such as “I wouldn’t mind grinding your corn”  or “You’re a real Bob Hope”.

5. Master your abilities to hone in on specific parts of the TV series.  Learning how to use, fast forward, rewind, slow motion, et al, is important to the true addict.

Now if I hold the slow motion button down, I think I saw a flash of Jamie’s “woo hoo” and I can make it picture within a picture or freeze frame it.

6.  Check daily for Outlander news on the internet or of anyone to do with Outlander. I hear Andrew Finnie has built up quite a following merely being the driver who takes Sam and Cait around Scotland when necessary.  We all hope he will spill some secret news so we can find out more about our favorite stars.  Some people have actually gone on tour of Scotland to meet the cast.  Usually they only meet the people who saw the Outlander trucks going through the village to the next site. Its easier to spend about 4-5 hours per day trolling the internet for information.  Remember, everything on the internet is true!

7.  Review You-Tube for countless Jamie and Clair, Outlander, and Sam and Cait fan videos.  In addition there are interviews that you can see. Many of these are very well done and can throw you into a swoon, when you are feeling bereft of Outlander stimulation. Here are a couple of my favs for your pleasure: 

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIV6VoBVVggAVcG5mWRH;_ylu=X3oDMTBzcmQxMWhmBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMTg-?p=youtube+Jamie+%26+claire+outlander&vid=a2a0ef69929e6174df17d7a143a29060&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DWN.hcLspOblIWRtIfGW9BLuEA%26pid%3D15.1%26h%3D168%26w%3D300%26c%3D7%26rs%3D1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DsNmjjK0izEM&tit=Jamie%26Claire+Fraser+→Tears+Of+An+Angel←+HD+%28Outlander%29&c=17&h=168&w=300&l=201&sigr=11b8v1sa8&sigt=11qpclvd8&sigi=12kpjqp44&age=1431890638&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av&fr=ipad&tt=b

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=AwrSbg8AXYBV_qUAItpXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEyam4xaTZyBGNvbG8DZ3ExBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDQjAyNjVfMQRzZWMDc2M-?p=you+tube+jamie+%26amp%3B+claire+your+eyes+on+me+celine&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Dyou%2Btube%2Bjamie%2B%2526%2Bclaire%2Byour%2Beyes%2Bon%2Bme%2Bceline%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fp%3D1&fr=%26fr%3Dyfp-t-901-s&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DWN.AcZpdufellvnSzCyyj2iAQ%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DK3d0jo1dpr0&tit=Outlander%3A+Jamie+%26+Claire+-+Your+Eyes+on+Me+-+A+Love+Story&l=2%3A56&vid=8ed04c61cb049c9f857d7329ee88e4f0&sigr=11b7to1qr&sigb=130eb72gf&sigt=11qbrll90&sigi=11vpm9oo7

8.  Get to know  (on a personal level) any and all people affiliated with Outlander (books and TV).  If you do, you will feel a deeper connection.  Be aware, however, they will probably not meet all of your needs and you could get “fed up” with the “in crowd”.  Never fear, there is always the books and videos to bring back the OL feeling.

This is the Cast and Crew over for drinks and snacks in my living room. I paid them $500,000 each to attend. Ron D. Moore and Angus refused. I WAS CRUSHED.

9.  Combine two or more addictions!  Time is an important commodity and when it comes to addictions, getting more bang for your buck is key.  Many OL fans have adapted their other addictions in order to enjoy both!  There are OL crafts, crochet, baking, fan art, fan stories and poetry, historical studies, Genealogy charts, sewing, knitting, dancing, drinking competitions, and sex clinics (started by the Scottish cousins of Masters and Johnson, so all people can have Jamie and Claire sex for real).   Whatever your addiction, creative people can combine it with Outlander!

11.  Get Sam and Cait mixed up with their roles as Jamie and Claire.  This is a key step in your addiction.  You will spend countless hours watching for signs that they really dig each other.  The meme below is a prime example.  Why would Sam be interested in ogling Cait’s bewbs when he has stared. tasted, fondled, licked, kissed, and squeezed them already?   Fools!  Oh wait, that’s my meme. 

12.  Addiction is a disease. Admitting you have one is not the first step, its probably comes a little later in the process.  You need to understand how it is affecting your daily functioning.  When Outlander interferes with real life, you know you have reached your ultimate addiction.   This could be a curvature of the spine, resulting from poor posture in chairs while reading or using the computer.  Or it could result in separation  because you called out Jamie’s name while having sex with Herman 22 times.  Or it could result in your Mother not remembering your name (which could be Dementia, but probably not. Most likely, it is because you haven’t visited in a year).  How far your addiction goes, is up to you.  Hopefully you will keep a little reality for the future. When Outlander finally ends….who will be there for you? 

The result of hubs trying to get into Outlander with the Grandkids!