Norma D Celebrates 1K Twitter Followers!

 

In honor of reaching 1k (unlike Sam’s 100+K) on Twitter I am celebrating by offering Open Enrollment into the Church of Heughanology and having a contest to see how much you have learned from Norma D over the past 6.5 months.  The prize will be a typical Norma D style gift which will be mailed to you in a plain brown wrapper (no kidding).  In order to enroll in CoH you need to follow this site which is not necessary to enter the contest. 

Contest Rules

All you need to do is answer six questions and one tie-breaker.  All answers can be found in the Church of Heughanology pages and postings.  The tie-breaker can be garnered from convos between Norma D and Twitter followers or from something you liked that I said in CoH.   Everyone (follower or not) is welcome to participate.  Deadline for submissions will be midnight, June 10th, 2015 (EST).  No fighting or accusations of favoritism will be tolerated.  We are not children.   We are adults who act like children. 

My Dad and Grandfather are idiots. I need to get inside and finish my science project so I can rule the world!

I’m kicking you out of my way, so I can win Norma D’s contest!

Watch this space:  Prize Information and Pictures to Come. 

Contest Questions 

(I am adding pictures for the intellectually challenged)

1.  How many family jewel euphemisms did Norma D create for CoH?(Below is a Family Jewel Euphemism that doesn’t count toward this answer)

What does this look like? Right, too small. It is an unprotected Twinky.

Here is a “safe sex” Twinky that is securely covered.

2.  What are the total number of movies in production that Norma D is starring in with Sam? (these are not two)

No one wants to see the wedding night of George Clooney even if Sam plays him. This one was axed.

Sam was concerned about making this picture because Norma had a gun! She’s so careless and drinks a lot!

3.  When did the Church of Heughanology begin? (When was the first page posted?)

4.  What song does Sam sing on the Church of Heughanology?

Sam didn’t sing in this one. The King of Men lip Synced the King. (Norma borrowed Ann Margaret’s boobs before they sagged.)

5.  Besides 1K Twitter followers for Norma D, what are her other two significant recognitions this past 6.5 months? (Hint:  Look for the words Significant Recognition in the posting). 

6. What is the secret of CoH’s success?

The secret of our success has nothing to do with sex. Well a little, but only imaginary.

 Tie Breaker Question

What is your favorite Norma D phrase, saying, or expletive and why?

 Submit your entries (one entry per person, no groups) to highpriestessofsam@gmail.com

Finally, I want to thank all of you for the past 6.5 months of love and laughter.  It has been a wild ride for a virgin Tweeter and Blogger.  More to come!

What the fook am I going to do next to keep this crowd calm? Maybe it’s time for the Donkey!

EmmyForHeughan

As COHP of the Church of Heughanology lifestyle, it behooves me to campaign for an Emmy for Sam Heughan, the actor who plays Jamie Fraser in Outlander.   I am motivated to do so by the media who seems to think his role is so easy that he doesn’t deserve the Emmy like Cait or Tobias.   I beg to differ.

First, Cait is Claire.  Its easier to play yourself in a role.  No insult to her.   She does deserve an Emmy (for her stamina alone!)   Plus she’s had to hold her own against all those men!

 

Cait ends up on top!

Here is my take on Claire.  She is a spirited, beautiful, sexually assertive woman who is brave yet vulnerable.  She is a survivor who does so with wit, charm and lots of whisky.   Is this not a description of Cait?

Then Tobias is playing a character who is so patently evil, there is no other way to play him.  The occasional lip twitch and rat tooth look, notwithstanding, Tobias has no option but to play the villain.  The words he speaks make him sound evil (even if said with no emotion).  “I live in darkness and darkness is where I belong.”  It is the villain, no mistake!  He deserves the Emmy just for all the hatred he must endure from fans and store cashiers!

So here are my reasons for nominating Sam for an Emmy.

1.  Sam has completely transformed himself for this role.  Before he got this role, he was a shy, sci-fi nerdy, stage actor, who looked a little too wimpy in some IMBD pictures for me. Even Herself (Diana Gabaldon) thought he was “grotesque and was a poor pick for Jamie.”

I am so wimpy, I don’t even want to play with those naked girls over there. I’m too skinny and I am wearing too much lipstick.

I am wearing my membership pin for the Bad Hair Club for Men.

I am a pasty white Englishman playing prince charming pretending to be 007!

Here he is playing Jamie Fraser (it’s miraculous!):

  

Even Diana changed her tune.

Now that’s a transformation!  (It certainly isn’t because of his costume.) If they had an Emmy for best butt, he’d be a shoe-in.  Great Acting.  #EmmyForHeughan

2.  Then he had to learn to speak with a strong Scottish accent and the Gaelic!  He was so good, I had to turn on the closed captions so I could understand what he said at first!    It was kind of like listening to Robin Williams describing the invention of golf.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMs8uiezucE&feature=player_embedded

Like Jamie in the book, the more angry he got, the thicker his accent became.  Take a look at the argument between Jamie and Claire in The Reckoning.    Either Cait had used all his hair products or that is acting, people, great acting. #EmmyForHeughan

  

3. Sam had to learn to ride a horse in a kilt and pretend he really liked it.  He talked about feeling liberated while riding a horse commando, even at a gallop.  Great acting.   #EmmyForHeughan

 

Hope my gel cushion doesn’t show!

 

4.  Sam had to act romantic and sexy, while portraying a  22 year old virgin.   Sam was 34 years old and by no means a virgin when he took on this role.  Even though some of his IMBD pictures made him look wimpy, he was still hunky enough to play Batman!   I’m sure the ladies loved that look all over the world!  So it was a formidable acting challenge to play young Jamie the virgin.  He used eye sex,  hand sex, and knee porn before he got laid three times by Claire on the honeymoon . Here are some techniques he used to appear virginal.

   

 

All of this from a man who probably has to fight off women at the car wash and probably lost a few times on purpose…a man whose Little black book has its own library.   Now that’s acting…real acting.     #EmmyForHeughan

5. Sam had to learn how to be a warrior.  Sam is no slouch when it comes to munro-bagging, running marathons, tagging sharks, and Peaking. Being a warrior calls for different skills, like wielding a sword, dagger, or gun (sometimes he practiced on Claire) and lots of yelling. This is great acting.  #EmmyForHeughan

This must be a gun.

I know, Claire, I’m not supposed to stab YOU! I’m just practicing.

Now you stand there and I’ll pretend to threaten you with my sword and you act scared. Ok?

Discretion is the better part of valor. Run for your lives!

Henry, you’re not supposed to really hit me! Is my face ok?

The gun looks scarier if you make a snarly face.

6. Finally, his portrayal of pain.  It is not easy to act like you’re in pain, when you’re not.  Jamie played by Sam is in a lot of pain a lot of the time.  This is great acting.  I can’t make jokes about this.  It is too raw.

One tear. That’s great acting!

Suffice it to say, there is no Outlander without Jamie and there is no better Jamie anywhere than Sam Heughan.  Its not easy to bring a book boyfriend for over 25 million, to life.  Sam has done so with grace, charm and great acting. 

#EmmyForHeughan

The Adventures of #NORMASFANFOLLOW in South America Part V

As we drove away from Ushuaia, there were several beaver couples waving goodbye!  We returned to our ship where our next stop was Puerto Montt, Chile.  I can honestly say that I have never seen such beauty in my life as I saw in Puerto  Montt. From every vantage point we could see the Osorno Volcano.

Volcanoes Osorno (L) and Cabulco (R)

First we traveled on a pontoon on Lake Llanquihue which was breathtaking. 

The weather was cool but sunny and the colors were magnificent.  As we toured the huge lake, we were introduced majestically to the Osorno Volcano and its partner Cabulco Volcano, which is the one that erupted on April 22.

This is how Cabulco looked when we were visiting.

Cabulco Volcano

Three weeks later, this is what Cabulco looked like.  The last eruption was in 1961.

 

Now the last volcano I saw was Vesuvius overlooking Pompeii (yes I am that old), but I never saw this guy running around half naked!

FEET DON’T FAIL ME NOW!

Nevertheless, Norma D is a survivor.  They saved me from the lava (it was great for my complexion) and look at me now. 

I think its time for another Vesuvius Volcanic Ash facial. My skin’s looking a little rough!

As we approached the shore I saw architecture that was distinctly Bavarian.  I was informed of a large German population in the area.

Could the old rumors be true?  That Hitler was alive, and well, and living in South America?  I found some interesting pictures at the library.

Very Interesting. The papers are in order!

Adolpha Hitter, 1947.  She was Very popular but never married!

When we disembarked on the other side of the lake, we made a rugged climb to Petrohue Falls, which has decreased in size due to a five year drought in the area. 

Wait! What’s that in the background? Mt. Osorno! I feel like it’s following me!

After Petrohue Falls, we went to a Chilean farm for a typical meal of local foods:   Salmon, Creamy Mashed Potatoes, mixed veggies, salad, and dessert (Bavarian).  We also sampled a very strong drink called Pisco.

After  I had several drinks, I made a new friend!

Al Paca the Llama! Likes to pose for tourists! I really thought I was having Pisco hallucinations.

Just then one of the farmhands approached to take Al back to the stables.     

I’ll tale the Llama, but I’d rather ride you,Llassie!

Hubs and I sat on a swing and looked out over the farm!   Whats that in the background?  Mt. Osorno! 

Mt. Osorno trying to camouflage itself behind a cloud!

We boarded our ship and two days later, arrived in Santiago.   Our waiter from the dining room came by to see if I was satisfied.  (Slipped me his phone number and personal Twitter, Instagram and Facebook addresses.) 

We had quite a long wait in Santiago before our plane, so we stopped at a local restaurant.  The Chef (Julia Child from the bus) told me their specialty was Argentinian beaver. 

Imported Argentinian Beaver

Now is the time for NormasFanFollow Adventure in South America to end.   I can’t tell you how nice it has been to share my journey with all of you. (I used to have to pay my children to look through my travel photos).Next trip will be a cruise from Bergen Norway to Barcelona, Spain.   If you would like, i’ll do a NormasFanFollow to Europe!

Somewhere Over the Outlander Rainbow

Today on Twitter, it occurred to me how much Outlander is like Oz!   I never thought of it, until someone @TBursoni pointed out how Simon Cowell (Lord Sandringham) looks, walks and talks just like the Cowardly Lion!

Dorothy is lookin’ at my bow! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m quivering!

I’m terribly frightened that Claire will either steal my bow or laugh at it. Either way, it would be an appalling breach of etiquette!

@WriterDG says she got the idea from an old Dr. Who (Wizard?) program.  Well, Oz must have been in her subconscious, because it is all over Outlander.  Here are my very salient points:

Claire falls through some magical stones.  Dorothy is pulled up by a tornado.

I hear a strange buzzing sound Toto! I feel like I’ll be traveling soon! At least I don’t have to go through stones like Claire did!

I hear a strange buzzing sound. If this thing starts spinning I’m out of here!

Now Dorothy lands in Oz and Claire lands in 1743 Scotland.  There are some similarities.  

Yellow Brick Road?

Road to Oz (Clearly CGI)

Road to Castle Leoch!

Munchkins ?

     

Middle Size Munchkin

 Munchkinland?

Mayor of Munchkinland?

See the similarities? 

Now lets get into the characters. 

Dorothy/Claire

Now Dorothy doesn’t have the psychedelic plants that Claire has in her basket.  Judy Garland, who plays Dorothy, spent a considerable amount of time and money getting stoned later in life and “Over the Rainbow” took on a whole new meaning for her. 

Say, what does Dorothy have in that basket?

Claire is like a grown up Dorothy.   They both have good hearts.  They like to help others (oil the tin man – put Jamie’s arm back in socket).  Claire’s wardrobe is much better thanks to TD. Now Dorothy is too young to explore her sexuality, but I gather Judy turned out to be hot mama later in life.  Wonder if she had a Downtown Jamie?

Downtown Jamie takes Claire “Over the Rainbow”

Glenda the Good Witch/Mrs. Fitzgibbons

Before everyone starts poo-pooing this idea, put some Frilly Pink Organza and a crown on Mrs. Fitz and you got a little bit bigger Glenda. (Has anyone ever seen Mrs. Fitz with her hair hanging down?)

Mrs. Fitz welcomes Claire to Castle Leoch and gets her all dolled up to meet the Laird (from no underwear up to the bum roll).  Dorothy just gets a pair of ruby slippers that look very uncomfortable to walk in all the way to Oz.  She continues her kindness all the way through the story (except for that really bad daydream Claire had).  She even sends her a whole trunk of clothes after she finds out she went to Lallybroch. 

She’d look good in this dress, but after kissing that man that smelled like s–t, she needs those washable clothes more.

It’s a faerie! I bet she’s wearing pink underwear too!

The Tin Man/ Murtaugh

I don’t think I can play shinty with this axe.

I canna chop wood with this shinty stick, but I can kick your ass!

Murtaugh and the Tin Man have something in common.  They both have a heart, but don’t always act like they do or show it.   They also have axes/shinty sticks to carry!  Not sure how much oiling Murtaugh needs, but it seems like he can hold his own. 

However, I don’t think either would do well as sex therapists.   Murtaugh thinks that women “generally do not care for it” and the Tin Man seems too shy.

The Wizard of Oz/Black Jack Randal

I admit,  this takes a little imagination, but bear with me.

First the Wizard of Oz has had many roles in his life.  He plays Professor Marvel, the Gatekeeper, the Carriage Driver, the Wizard and the Guard.

 

However, Tobias Menzies has been preparing for his  two roles in Outlander for years.  A few examples:

Et tu Tobias? Love your dress!

Not sure what this is but I wonder how much it hurt when they nailed that badge to his forehead.

Captain Plume in the Recruiting Officer. Must have borrowed this costume and turned evil when they took the plume away for BJR.

Mr. Ellis who was very irritatin

So, combining these former roles, he was highly qualified to play both characters – Black Jack Randall and Frank Randall.  And remember, he wants to play Black Jack’s brother in Season 2.  (Probably how the Wizard of Oz got all those roles in one movie!)

Wicked Witch of the West/Gellis Duncan

We all  know that Gellis came from the West and the future.  I think its pretty easy to see the resemblance.

 Wicked Witch of the East/Leghair

I’ll show you, Claire, what a witch is! I’ll Dance on your ashes

This is what Leghair looked like after she became GREEN WITH ENVY!

Scarecrow/Jamie

Now friends, you must admit, that even though Jamie is an educated man, he doesn’t always bring his brain with him.   (I’m referring to the one in his head).

Here’s Jamie thinking with his other brain!

So DG, can ya no see my logic with this post?     No?  Well I’m  getting on my broom and going back to Kansas!