Outlander Snubbed by the Emmy Nominating Committee – One Irate Fan’s Perspective!

Before I begin, I would like to congratulate Bear McCreary on his well-deserved Emmy nomination for Outstanding Music Composition for a Series.

I know that Outlander fans have been reeling over the results of the Emmy nominations.  I have remained silent (well mostly silent which is slightly screamimg per Miracle Max) about the almost complete snub of Outlander by the Emmy Nominations Committee.  I have made only two memes.

Just a Nice Way of Saying I Love You Even if You’re Losers.

No explanation necessary!

I made this one today for Ron D. Moore:

 

Since I don’t have to suck up to the tasteless clods who didn’t nominate Outlander for anything but music (I guess they never heard a bagpipe).  I have a plan to address my pain and humiliation as a fan.  I will attack two specific areas – the Committee and the Competition. 

Part I – Vilify the Emmy Nominating Committee (ENC)

As a hockey fan, I am already an expert at  treating the “powers that be” like the turds they are because I never agree with their decisions unless there is a ruling in my team’s favor.

  So hear I go….

This is how the ENC reasons. Let’s just vote for the shows and actors we can remember,  then we don’t have to work too hard.

What I think the ENC would look like.

Look at this group!  First. there is only one computer on the table and no TVs.  How can these idiots see the nominations?  They know they are technologically challenged by the weak hand waves from a few of them. Look closely. Notice that only one member is wearing their glasses!  This is too easy!

What are the qualifications of the ENC members?  Who are they? What training have they had in judging the entries.  How much TV do they really watch?   As a part-time investigative reporter, I am qualified to delve into this mystery.

You won’t believe what I discovered!  Here they are, a few of the bastards that snubbed Outlander! The faces are real, but the names and bios have been changed to protect them from fan retaliation.  Well, maybe the faces aren’t real either but they are close. 

Barton Finkmaster, Chairman.  Sure he has a 14 year career with the Rockettes & his own Disney Original Mickey Mouse Club hat , but what does he know about 1743 Scotland ? Bupkes!

Charlene Playchest, an “appointee”. Her qualifications are starring in “Charlene Goes to Kama Sutra Camp” (an Indie Flick) and 10 years with Burger King. She almost blew up the committee  room smoking too close to her oxygen tank.

Carl Cowlick, Treasurer.   He is a model for Hair Club for Men. He was refused a part as a Heiland Coo in OL because of his bald pate. You can imagine how his vote went.

Flora Fashionfauxpas (another appointee) designed her version of Claire’s Wedding dress in her basement and sent it to Ron. He didn’t choose it. You know the rest!

Flora’s Design- Can you see Rupert and Angus popping the balloons so they can get a wee peek at Claire’s bubbies?

Producer Dimitri Rotyurcockoff , who brought us the unforgettable (I forgot what movie he produced). He was kicked out of the country for dating underage gerbils.
He hates TV!

Shhhh. You know who he is! Rumor has it he applied for the role of BJR, but there wasn’t enough torture and killing for him! The ENC voted for his favorites because they were so frightened of him. He loves the bagpipes.

So that’s the ENC.  Is it any wonder Outlander failed to get a nomination (except Bear)?

Part II – Vilify The Competition

Since the only people I will insult are the individuals on the ENC, I will review the nominees for Outstanding Drama Series (who didn’t get snubbed). I refuse to compare actors from one show to the other. Clearly, Sam, Cait, Tobias, Graham and the rest of the OL cast are so superior, it’s unfair to the competitors. (Caution: if any of these shows are your favorites, then you might not like what I have to say about them in comparison to Outlander.  I hate them all and have never watched them.)

Better Call Saul

This is a lawyer show in which the main lawyer (a former scam artist)will do anything it takes to stay out of a court of law, including settling on the courthouse steps!  First of all,  I would be glued to the screen (sarcasm) watching a bottom-feeding attorney who won’t go into the courthouse.  It sounds like a comedy, not a drama!  I guess because it is a black (not meant ethnically) comedy, its ok to label it a drama.  After all, BCS could never compete as a comedy, if even Big Bang Theory got snubbed .  Compared to Outlander, BCS is blah! P.S. This is a prequel to Mad Men, another fookin’ nominee.  One per customer, ENC! 

Better Call Someone Else Besides Saul (his phone is rusty).

Downtown Abbey

“The series is set in fictional Downtown Abbey, a Yorkshire country house in England. Downton Abbey is home and seat of the Earl and Countess of Grantham, along with their children and distant family members. Each series follows the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family, their friends and servants during the reign of King George V.” That’s the description from Wikipedia.  Well, I don’t see why this show is so special (aside from winning 27 Emmys).  Outlander has King George II, familial attachments, friendships, aristocrats, servants, in addition to Downtown Frank and Downtown Jamie. Hell, even Claire went downtown on Jamie, too.  DA only has  some woman named Abbey going downtown on this show!  The ballot box is stuffy not stuffed, just like Downtown Abbey!   

I wonder which one is Abbey? The whole gang looks like they could use a stiff one! Not a one of them look like they could even find “downtown”!

Homeland

The series is about a female CIA officer with bipolar disorder, and, a United States Marine Corps Scout Sniper. The CIA agent has come to believe that the Marine, who was held captive by al Qaeda as a POW, was “turned” by the enemy and poses a threat to the United States. Now, I know the CIA works in strange ways, but 3 years to figure out if this guy is a threat?  Probably because the female agent is sick and weak with her disorder!  Then there is Outlander who has a strong female protagonist who is capable of curing sickness, lancing boils, and stocking a pharmacy, all while having the best sex ever and looking like a fashion model!   How could the committee have missed this? 

I’m sure he’s a spy.
I’m not sure he’s a spy.
What’s the matter Carrie, can’t you make up your mind? Oh yea, you can’t!

House of Cards

Set in present-day Washington, D.C., House of Cards is the story of Frank Underwood, a Democrat from S. C. 5th Congressional District and House Majority Whip who, after being passed over for appointment as Secretary of State, initiates an elaborate plan to get himself into a position of greater power, aided by his wife, Claire. The series deals primarily with themes of ruthless pragmatism, manipulation and power. (Wikipedia) Now in Outlander, Jamie is Laird (which is better that a congressman), who has been whipped and aided by his wife, Claire.  What is the damn difference?  I can’t see it!

At least I don’t have to get raped and tortured like Jamie, even if I deserve it.

Mad Men

I already explained the story in Better Call Saul. This is nepotism, pure and simple!   The only redeeming quality for Mad Men is John Hamm’s large dangling participle.  Needless to say, I am Mad that Mad Men got the nod!

They don’t have an Emmy for the Most Outstanding Dangling Participle, so they had to give us this.

Orange is the New Black

Orange Is the New Black (often abbreviated to OITNB) is an American comedy/drama series based on Piper Kerwin’s memoir, Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women’s Prison (2010), about her experiences at a Federal Corrections Institution (aka the Slammer). To me, this is another crossover from the comedy side, so it wouldn’t have to compete with older versions of Elaine (Julia Louise Dreyfus) and Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) the Comeback Queens.   In comparison to Outlander, OITNB is comical and the costumes are FEH!

This is a drama? Put these chicks in Wentworth with no make-up, hair dye, Wen shampoo, clean underwear, nail polish or shoes! They’ll be glad to wear orange.

Game of Thrones

Of course, I would save the best for last and this isn’t funny.   The following is part of an article in Time Magazine this week.   “The Primetime Emmy Awards announced Thursday that  Game of Thrones has won a whopping 24 nominations, more than any other TV show this year. While that would seem to be a reason for the cast and crew to celebrate, the nods come at a time when the HBO show is under fire from even its most dedicated fans for its treatment of women. The season five finale aired over a month ago, but fans are still bristling from controversial scenes this season like the rape of Sansa, the shaming of Cersei and the death of Shireen.” Frankly, I am appalled.  Shame on you ENC!  Shame on you GoT! 

Ron, So here is my strategy for next year.  Make the show about a strong woman who falls through time, and marries a handsome highlander.  Have them go through trials and tribulations, have the hero whipped, raped and tortured and have the woman save him. Film in the most beautiful setting on earth, get the best writers, directors, cast and crew. Have a couple of funny guys for comedic relief, and have the actors wear the most authentic and beautiful wardrobes ever created. Add a hauntingly beautiful music score and some Heiland Coos.  (Sound familiar?)  Then add fire breathing dragons and pay off the ENC.  

So, Outlander, you are the classiest, most intelligent, most beautiful, and most complete show on TV, with an outstanding cast and crew who got ignored by the ENC. I mentioned that I likened this love of Outlander to a home town sports team and the ENC to referees.  I know I’m not far off.

FOOK THE EMMY’S, IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!

Norma D – Why Sam Says “She’s The Most Interesting Woman in the World”

Norma D on duty at the Church of Heughanology.

 

Sam Heughan picked me to lead the CoH because he says I am the most interesting woman in the world.  We all know I am a famous actress and the Chief and Only High Priestess of the Church of Heughanology.  Part of my success is that I have Multiple Personalities living in my head.  My fans often ask me how many personalities I have, so I decided to explore that information, as I am really not sure! 

Before we begin, I want to emphasize this is not the same as the Multiple Personality Disorder about which you may have heard.  Mine is not a disorder. I am not making fun of those who suffer from mental illness (even though my favorite movie is “What about Bob?” and my favorite poem is from that movie). I am one with you.

I provide a home to all my personalities.  We have a very happy family living in my head!   Most of the time we get along, but occasionally we become dysfunctional (as any family does).  It is totally healthy.  Because it can get noisy and confusing at times, I took over representing them to the public.  One day, I stood up and said, “Everybody stand back, I’ll do the talking!”  And they let me.  So, the reason I am the most interesting woman in the world, is that I have all of these personalities and their talents to draw upon when I need them. Sam says I am good because I get along with everyone, even him. 

Norma, You have to be my COHP! You can get along with the cheerleaders and the pink ladies!

So here goes (This may not be a definitive or a final list). I have to do this list alphabetically or I’ll go mad (no offense)!

Lucille Ball – I love Lucy.  She gives me the ability to do as I damn well please and say “Fook ’em if they can’t take a joke.”  She also taught me how to live with a man and never have to sleep in the same bed with him.  She has contributed a love of slapstick comedy (hence our Second Banana Theater) and she always has a plan to get me out of trouble!

 

Norma Desmond – As I explained, Norma D (moi), is one of my personalities who took charge of the others.  I know that is confusing, but it is perfectly acceptable in our family!  We needed a leader!  And Norma has all the qualities necessary.  She is decisive, loving (particularly to younger men), productive (she signs about 100 photos per day) a fashion icon, able to negotiate compromise (or she sends Max to fix it), believes in herself despite all other opinions, and mean as hell!   We are all afraid of her, but she keeps order.  None of us talk about Joe’s murder/suicide.  She is the only smoker.   Sam loves her!

Lets get this group to behave! I’ll be the mouthpiece! Maybe Sam will find me interesting!

 

Ernestine, the Telephone Operator – Ernestine brings a biting wit to the table.  She will confront anyone (even Richard Nixon) for any reason!   She prides herself on her high school education.  She doesn’t do much but answer the phone, but we all love her snorts! Enid Strict, the Church Lady is her Mother (notice the similar facial expression). 

Dr. Evil from Austin Powers – Dr. Evil is an internationally known criminal genius cryogenically frozen in 1967 and reawakened in 1997. Dr. Evil had a very strange upbringing and enjoys shaving cats and making clones.  He brings his love of the bizarre and dastardly genius to the (finger quotes) think tank.  

Tommy Flanagan – The Pathological Liar – Tommy tells whoppers to make himself feel important.  Most of the arguments that occur are with him and the Church Lady.  Tommy gives us the ability to lie our asses off when the police stop us for a ticket.  “Well, I was innocently driving along and Morgan Fairchild parachuted into my car, slammed on the gas pedal (she has a real lead foot, y’know) and made me speed.  Yeah, that’s the ticket!”  We get out of all the tickets because the police just take us directly to the asylum. 

I have seen Morgan Fairchild naked several times! Would someone poke my eyes out please? Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Miracle Max – He is a character in the movie “Princess Bride”.  Miracle Max always give me hope, even when it seems like there is none.  He always emphasizes the positive.  He also believes in taking it slow, which as we all know is much better than fast.  Like me, he believes that a nice MLT (mutton, lettuce and tomato, sliced thin on rye) is better than true love. 

 

Roseanne Rosannadanna – She spews her personal advice at any time. Norma D has gained much wisdom from her. We learned there’s always something such as a toenail in your hamburger or a piece of toilet paper on your shoe! She keeps us grounded.

Please review this video and you’ll see why I do the talking.

https://screen.yahoo.com/roseanne-roseannadanna-snl-skits/roseanne-rosannadanna-smoking-000000279.html

Linda Richman –  The former host of Coffee Talk has joined our group to add an ethnic touch. She is the epitome of the gracious hostess.  Everything I know about parties I learned from her.  “Parties should go like buttah!”  Linda is our organizer and teaches us faux Yiddish in her spare time.

Peter Sellers – I have two characters that he played in movies that have inhabited my brain.  Dr. Strangelove and Inspector Clouseau.  I know is it insane (no offense) to have movie characters as a personality, but they are very intriguing.  They have nurtured my love of private detecting, costumes, deviant behavior and melting rubber noses. 

 

 

I suspect there is something wrong with my disguise!

Enid Strict, The Church Lady – Enid serves as our moral compass.  Unfortunately she is often accusatory of the younger women with perky boobs with whom we might come in contact.  She gets very upset if we touch our “naughty parts”.  She and the liar, Tommy, get into terrible fights.  She is the sole arbiter of good and evil for us.  We have all been called “Satan”!   We secretly hope she will go to hell!

Darth Vader – Darth has been with us a longtime.  He is the one part of us that is scary (even with his helmet off!)  He does have a sense of humor, so we tolerate him, but all he has to do is breathe and the urine is running down our collective legs! 

Mae West – Sam likes her best!  She has developed our ability to say what you’re thinking, even if it’s naughty.  She also taught me my “come hither” look!  Mae was a pretty big woman and I always suspected she was a man.  But now that I’ve seen Caitlyn Jenner, I’m positive Mae’s all woman, I think.

Here’s some of Sam’s favorite Mae West quotes (compliments of BrainyQuotes.com):

• When I’m good, I’m very good.  But when I’m bad, I’m better!
• Save a boyfriend for a rainy day and another in case it doesn’t rain.
• Between two evils, I always pick the one I’ve never tried before.
• I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
• An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
• To err is human, but it feels divine!

To put it simply:  I get along with Lucy who gets me out of trouble with myself after I call Ernestine for help.  Dr. Evil, a graduate of Evil Medical School, diagnosed me as a pathological liar but Miracle Max says I’m only slightly pathological and Roseanne Roseannadanna says, “Don’t sweat it because it will just drip down your nose.”  Linda Richman invites Dr. Strangelove and Inspecter Clousseau to our Faux Yiddish celebration, while the Naked  Church Lady calls us all Satanists!  Darth Vadar plays with his saber while Mae West says, “We’re not Satanists….we’re Heughanologists!   I like ’em big, bad and ginger!”  I hope you now understand how positively all of these personalities impact my behavior! 

This is my world!  Isn’t it great? 

I know you don’t get any pay, Norma, for running CoH. Let me show you my gratitude. You’re so interesting! YES YES YES!

 

 

 

 

Norma D Has a New Hobby – Remedial Meming!

Norma D recently started making simple memes using images of Sam, myself and others.    This is my gallery.    All have the Norma D slant on life (Dripping with sarcasm and double entendre).  They are definitely not Hallmark Memes!  I hope you have a chuckle or two over them. 

If you would like me to make a special occasion meme, I will, as time allows(at no charge).   Just contact me at highpriestessofsam@gmail.com with your requests.  I am a newbie at this, so be easy on me!

Periodically,  I will put new postings in the gallery and remove old ones.  I will send out a notice when I do.   Thanks for your continued support!

BIRTHDAYS

Sam Snark

Get Well

NORMA D

ODDS AND ENDS ( not Sam)