Hierarchy of Heughanology Memberships:
Tin Level: Trolling
This is the first level of membership in the Church of Heughanology. It is free to anyone who wishes to use their inherent right to see as much of Himself as possible. Relates directly by-law #2.
***The remaining levels will require a “donation” compensatory to the level of interaction desired with Sam Heughan
Steel Level: Increased Lighting of Shadow Content in Nude Pictures of Sam
This service is provided for those candlelit scenes that if they only had just a little more light would reveal family jewels sightings and/or peripheral pubic hair.
Copper Level: Monthly Under the Kilt Looks (15 minute time limit) for one year
This service will be provided by the Church of Heughanology in picture form only. In person views are exclusive to Mother Ship Members.
Diamond Level: Dinner with Sam’s Family, including a look at his baby pictures.
A heftier fee is required due to the need to kidnap Sam’s Mother and others along with theft of the family albums. This level is a onetime experience and by appointment only for obvious reasons.
Silver Level: Privy to scandalous gossip and innuendo surrounding Sam’s Sex Life.
A Silver Level caveat is that most of the information garnered is not accurate or even true. However it can be a pleasant evening of making stuff up for the hell of it. Purchase of this level overrides rule #6 of the by-laws and will result in zero chastisement.
Magnesium Level: Access to Sam, via secret Twitter account, for conversations about why he should marry Caitriona.
This is a monthly addition to Sam’s Mother’s encouragement to “marry a nice girl and give me grandchildren” conversation. All types of encouragement is embraced up to and including waterboarding (as an American, I see nothing wrong with that, but I won’t admit it because I am supposed to be above all that kind of behavior).
Krypton Level: A pub crawl and 6 “Ghetto Dance” Lessons from Himself. This is a very expensive level because it can inadvertently take you to the Mother Ship after 11:00 p.m. when enough whisky has been consumed so that everyone looks beautiful. Sam says that whisky leads to sex (Heughan, 2013) so it is probable that you reach the Mother Ship. This level is only available on days Sam is not shooting a scene for Outlander or other project the next morning and by appointment only.
Platinum Level: Getting to the Mother Ship of Planet Heughan.
The ultimate fan experience and an opportunity to crawl all up in that! Costliest level of Heughanology where all will be revealed and intimate knowledge of Sam is achieved without getting Sam drunk.
Note: All prices are negotiable and subject to the needs and whims of the COHP at the time of the request.
2 thoughts on “Hierarchy of Heughanology Memberships”
I’m in! Platinum Level pls.
Dear Joan. One must earn the right to be “all up in that”! Constant participation in all that is Heughan is recommended. Frequent Church visits, commenting, following site, and participation in member events all add up to commitment. Commitment breeds benefits. Thanks again for your comments. Must go now, cooking a turkey for Mr. DeMille. Maybe Ill get my close up for Christmas. Norma D