Gallery of Glamour, Part Deux

Norma D is proud to announce that Sam H. and the Church of Heughanology  have formed a production company. They plan to remake several past hit TV shows and movies , just like the unimaginative Hollywood people are doing everywhere.  The partnership is called Not So Glamourous Image Productions.    As soon as we have distributors, we will announce release dates.  All photos are the talented work of @HolaasSandy.

Last time I reported on several projects.  No further updates, but here are some new ones IN THE WORKS, Part Deux:

Sam was contacted due to his fabulous physique, to play in the movie “The Ape Man meets Jane of Lallybrook“.  Sam plays a human raised by apes who falls for a rich glamorous English socialite (those apes are no dummies).  Although almost naked, he saves her from vicious crocodiles and she loses her clothes, too.  It’s  a repeat of Outlander episode 107, when he eyes those bewbs. (never can see that enough).  Jane asks if he’s ever seen a naked woman before, and the Ape Man looks at her dumbfounded because he cannot speak English.  Can you say “bewbs”?   I play the Love Interest.


You know there is something to be said about the furry pelt of a female ape. A whole lot warmer during the rainy season.

The next project is a remake of that great TV Show “Superman of Metropolis“.  Sam plays an alien who comes to earth as a baby, is named Clark and is raised by farmers, the Kents.  He rides a hay wagon to the Big City (Metropolis) and   discovers his immense powers!  Even though he never learned to read and write, he is hired by the city newspaper, the Daily Planet, just because he looks good in a suit.   There he meets  Lois Lane, an ambitious reporter.  After a night of drinking, she persuades him to wear a stretch Leotard and pose as a Super Hero for her   He likes the outfit and wears it under his suit every day until he becomes a real super hero.  Of course due to her inebriation, Lois doesn’t realize Clark is Superman because of the incredibly camouflaged glasses he wears at work.  (Perhaps not a crack reporter after all).   I play the Love Interest.


Lois, can I have another try at my landing later tonight? I really like that buzz bomb one where I land in just the right spot!

Our next film will be a remake of that famous movie about the founding of

Wing and a Prayer Airline,  called “The Pilot and his Angel”.  Sam plays a crack WWI pilot who starts a crop dusting company when he returns.  After he fails due to machine gunning  the crops, an angel steers him on the right course.  They start off flying farm animals to slaughter.  The idea is successful, because all he does is shove them out of the plane and its done.  Fast and Clean.

As his reputation grows, the angel suggests he fly real pigs and chicks(humans) from place to place for obnoxious fees.   They figure they can make them stand in corrals, and enter the plane one by one as their number is called.  Minimal mooing, oinking and clucking is allowed.  He develops jet travel.  Wing and A Prayer Airline takes off and makes him rich.  However, in the end he becomes a hermit germophobe and the angel has to come in to clip his nails.  There is no love interest, I play the Angel.


Angel or no, I’ll bet she is covered in germs and they are crawling all over both of us right now. EWWWW!

Also in the works, is a remake of “Samson and that Hair Cutting Bitch, Delilah“.    Sam plays a man who relies on his brawn and long lustrous hair to get by in life.  He meets the temptress, Delilah, who ends up cutting his hair and adding the extensions to her own .  He becomes a weak shadow of his former self and  is held captive by her until his hair grows back.  Delilah has her way with him until he can break free of the shackles she has placed on him.  As he stalks off into the sunset, Delilah cries, “But I left your family jewels intact!”   I play the Temptress Love Interest.


I am so weak and she holds me down like this all the time. I feel so defiled. I can hardly contain my shame. I think I’ll just cry right this minute!

My favorite project is the remake of our next film, A Night to Remember that  I Let You Freeze in the Water When  the Titanic Went Down”. 

Sam plays a poor boy who is in steerage on a fancy, unsinkable ocean liner.  He meets a beautiful rich socialite who poses nude(except for a beautiful diamond and sapphire necklace) for him so he can draw her, even though she is a virgin.   When ( you guessed it) the ocean liner sinks in the coldest water ever, she lets him hold up her raft until he freezes to death.  Then 70 years later she goes back to get her necklace.   I play the love interest socialite.


You know, she let me see her bewbs, but I don’t think she has the same level of passion I have for her. She would drop me off the bow of this ship in a heartbeat, if her fiancé came along.

Next film is a combination adventure-comedy where Sam gets to show off his bow and arrow skills learned in his movie,   “A Princess for Christmas”.  The remake will be called , “How Robin Hood Screwed the Sheriff of Nottingham and Maid Marion at the Same Time

Sam plays a forest outlaw who is really a  wealthy landowner who is trying to screw up the plans of the Sheriff of Nottingham to marry Maid Marion .  He is also involved in something about returning King Richard to the throne of England.  Are all of these historic romances based on Outlander?


I think Maid Marion is very forward. She’s in her nightgown and I haven’t even proposed.. I’ll keep my hand on my dirk, just in case.


Our final project before Outlander Season 2 starts filming, will be a musical remake of “I Came A Lot in Camelot” the story of the star crossed lovers, Lancelot and Guinevere.   Like Richard Burton on stage, Sam plans to say his songs rather than sing them.   Sam plays a Knight of the Round Table who has the misfortune to fall in love with King Arthurs wife, Guinevere,  After countless nights of rampant sex and clandestine meetings, the lovers are caught and Sam is removed from the roundtable and forced to sit at the square one.  His final song says:

 Camelot, Camelot
I know it gives me quite a pause
But in Camelot, I came a lot
Despite the legal laws

The queen may never swive upon the hillside
By nine PM her underwear must re-appear
In short, there’s simply not a more inconvenient spot
For happily after glowing than here in Camelot


I never realizes how buxom Guinevere is! It might be worth sitting at the square table to put my face between them and go “bbbbblllllaaaahhhh”

Gallery of Glamour

Sam H. and the Church of Heughanology  have formed a production company and are remaking several past hit TV shows and movies , just like the unimaginative Hollywood people are doing.  The partnership is called Not So Glamourous Image Productions.    As soon as we have distributors, we will announce release dates.  All photos are the talented work of @HolaasSandy.


The first film in production is that old classic, “Cleopatra and her Asp”. Sam stars as Marcus Antonius an emperor wannabe who latches on to a famous queen to improve his image (sounds strangely familiar) I was thrilled to play the part of a queen who fell on her asp and Sam’s love interest.


If she thinks I’m going to kiss her on her fainting couch…I’m outta here!


The next production is based on that fabulous romantic comedy, “The Runaway Groom”.  Sam took the lead in this one!   I play his love interest.


I would really like to run away, but she has me shackled to this heavy church door. She doesn’t look too bad with the veil over her face.

We have completed filming the passionate “Honeymoon with Mom”  a romantic drama that leaves little to the imagination.  We are having trouble finding  a distributor for this X-rated drama. Maybe Starz will do it.  They are in for reality (Poor Segovax) Sam plays Dick Richards, a confused man who takes his Mother on a pretend honeymoon, so he can be ready when the time comes.   I play Sam’s love interest.



OMFG What is that???

Filming has been completed on the musical “She’s the One That I Don’t Want” AKA “Greasy”   Sam plays a boy from the wrong side of the tracks who falls for the schools only virgin.  The fun and music is all about getting into her pants.  I play Sam’s love interest.


That cat suit helps, but its no fun dragging Sandy around the dance floor.


We are working with Starz to bring back an old TV favorite, “Sonny and Cher’s Musical Comedy Hour”.  Sam fell in love with singing, now, and can’t  wait to do it every week.  Sam plays the comedic mediocre singer and I play his non smiling love interest (but I’m the better singer.)


If she keeps licking those lips, I am going to rip them off her face!!!


Sams love of Sci-Fi has set us on a new film genre path.  We are remaking the Force of Star Wars Trilogy.  Sam plays a simple farm boy who discovers he has hidden talents.   He meets a Princess and helps her to save the galaxy from Death Radar, his missing father.  I play Sam’s love interest.



Every time I look at her, I want to rip those things off her head. They look like donuts and I am starved.



A Made for TV movie reprising Sam’s Batman role is in the works.  Based on the old TV show, “Batman and that Strangely Feminine Side Kick Boy”.   Sam plays Bruce Whine who sees his parents killed and vows revenge as Batman.  He stumbles on to a strangely feminine boy sidekick who he later discovers is Wonder Woman (Holy Big Bewbs, Batman)!   I play the love interest.


That “boy” has bewbs, I know it and the mask doesn’t cover it.

Projects will be added to this gallery as they are developed.  It is so much fun working with Sam and having a role in this intimate partnership.





Global Repercussions Resulting from Sam’s Anglo Fan Award

Following a week long global voting effort over 1,800,000 votes were cast and our Sam Heughan was named Anglo Fan Favorites Man of the Year 2014.   He beat out 31 other formidable opponents.  It was all due to the loyalty and dedication of his fans around the world.   Congratulations to all the fans and Himself.

Our CoH Handmaiden calculated the following information:

257K votes per day

10.7K votes per hour

179 votes a minute



Fans and their families made many sacrifices during this voting period.   Here are a few things that resulted because of voting for Sam as Anglo Fan Man or the Year 2014.  (Not a scientific poll).

5,000 missed diaper changes an hour.     That’s ok. I more hour doesn’t hurt with the new stay dry liners for diapers.                                 th

2,500,000 missed toothbrushings at some time during the voting period.   Double up this week and the dentist will never know.  If you didn’t brush your teeth the whole time, but drank gin, whiskey, rum, or vodka you need not worry.  The alcohol took care of the wee beasties in your mouth just as well as Listerine.  Accurate figures on how many teeth were lost are unavailable.

liquor-bottle-display-square-2step         Equals th1FPPLNS9

Missing Tooth



5,000,000 hours of decreased productivity at work.  Since your boss was probably wasting time on something, they probably didn’t notice.  This doesn’t say much for the state of our world economy, but fluctuations were minor in the grand scheme of things.  However, if you lost your job, CoH has HR advisors to help you seek re-employment.  Call 1-800-Ivotedmyjobaway.

This was the week you were voting on that Anlo Fan Poll

This was the week you were voting on that Anglo Fan Poll



10,000 new cases of Carpel Tunnel Syndrome and/or Index Finger Atrophy.  With HIPAA in the US, it is hard to get accurate information.  However, the orthopedic equipment industry went wild in the global market.



Super Duper Voting Vitamins

Super Duper Voting Vitamins


To Be Used for Future Voting Projects


Voting Wrist Rests







15,000 Divorces Caused by Carnal AbandonmentThere were many more divorces in the time period but with No-Fault Divorces and/or the old Incompatibility excuse, it is hard to nail down this number.  However how many spouses heard the phrase, “Stop that!  I’ve only voted 1,000 times today so Sam can win, and I can’t concentrate while you’re doing that.”  Or “When you do that while I’m voting, I can’t read the Captcha and/or you make my finger shake and I vote for the wrong person.”

...and this was that really cute kitty cat video on


And now we have to start on Cait’s BBC Anglo Fan Favorite Woman of the Year Poll!

Significant Recognition for COHP!



Today it it was discovered that our own Norma D was mentioned in the Wikipedia Top 100 All Time Movie Quotes twice for her movie Sunset Blvd. .  She is the only one on the list with two quotes.

Is it any wonder that Sam picked such a talent to lead the Church of Heughanology.



All right, I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.

All right, I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.…_100_Movie_Quotes

Unrealistic Expectations

A growing concern has arisen about unrealistic expectations some followers may have with the real or potential relationships in their life.  Norma D is concerned that this may result in missed opportunities between happy couples or rejection of perfectly good partner candidates.   I have listened to both the married and single male and female followers of the CoH, and am concerned about their relationships with non-Sam normal looking men and women.

People, there is only one Sam Heughan.  I think he has a brother floating around somewhere, but he is not a twin.  Most potential mates do not have the exceptionally pleasing visage of our Sam, so they cannot measure up.


Notice the adoring look given to him by the lady on his right. She is totally ruined for a real relationship!

However, there are many other perfectly good looking men out there if you just look.   I was trolling the internet and here are a few I found:


I’ve got some hat tricks you might like!


I’ll give you the shirt off my back.

Butler, Gerard

I’m looking at you, babe.


If you want to snuggle, I’ll move over a bit!


What do you mean. Norma? You like Bill better?

All acceptable options for real life relationships.   True, it is not quite the same as our Sam, but I wouldn’t kick them out of bed for eating crackers.

Another problem is confusing Sam with the roles he plays.  Sam is Jamie in some people’s eyes (Graham McTavish, 2014), but it is still a character he plays.   Jamie is a  character created by the greatest romance, sci-fi, historical, fiction writer of our day, Herself, Diana Gabaldon.   Now every actor puts a lot of himself/herself in their roles, but no one is really Jamie, King of Men.   Jamie is your book boyfriend. Even Sam realizes that he can only go so far.    If you are having trouble with that reality thing, the Church of Heughanology is here to help with some examples of real vs. not so real:














 There is a difference.


Spice of Life Not So Spicy?

I have a suggestion for those who have been in long term relationships and nothing but Sam will do.   Paste a bunch of Sam’s pictures on the ceiling or put the wedding night key scenes on a loop on the DVR.   Then in those intimate moments when your mind is wandering, you can look over a shoulder or up at the ceiling for inspiration.  Just don’t call them Sam unless that is their real name.   Yes!  Yes!  Yes!    May I have a cigarette?

Now people, reality is what we are about.  We expect others to love us just the way we are,  as Bill Holden loves me.


Can you tell?

We must offer the same option for potential life partners.  Love them they way they are, because lets face it

What we are looking for:


What’s looking for us:


However, over the holidays, beware of Geeks bearing gifts.